To be honest, for the last 1 or 2 years I've been quite lost with myself. I was a people-pleaser and gathered all the wrong kind of people around me. I did not respect or love myself, and I was a magnet for people who did not respect or love me either. I did not even realize it back then, but now I do. You see, what happens when you don't love yourself, is that you''re asking for trouble. And the Universe will deliver them for as long as you learn to do better. That's exactly what happened to me. Things started to go wrong in almost every aspect in life. I felt like I was spinning in a washing machine and some people were hitting me with baseball bats. And I needed to figure out how to get away from the turbulence.
Founding Pin-Up Garage was my dream. It was exactly the work I wanted to do for living. I did not go to work only to make a living I went to work because I loved what I did. But we did a bad misjudgement when we chose the place for the shop. The street where my shop was was expensive, but there was not enough traffic on the street to bring new customers. The expenses were too high compared to the sales. So we had to make the decision to close the shop and move to a cheaper location. I opened two shops, in the hope of getting a new start and to do better. No. Both shops turned out to be bad decisions. We needed to close the first shop 4 months after the opening and the other 7 months after. I'm not going to details why, but I can tell it was rough to figure out how to survive in the middle of packing, moving and unpacking all the time. I was tired, I lost my faith in myself and all my time was spent on how to survive. I had not enough time for my customers and needless to say I was financially in trouble as this affected our sales very badly. In the middle of all the bad things happening to me, I lost even the joy I got from my work. I did not know who I was and what I wanted from my life.
The final straw was when my home was resigned. The owner told me that she'll sell my apartment because she's retiring and moving aboard. Until that my home was the reason I even tried to survive. And now I had lost that, too. I was very angry to the world. I decided to just let go and let God, as they say. I told God "fine, if you don't want me to live here, do show me what I should do and where to go. Show me the way and I will follow." I surrendered and decided to go with the flow.That was the wisest decision I ever made.
A dear friend of mine helped me get forward. She has been my friend from childhood, and she knows me better than many others. What she taught me was, that everything that comes in this Universe is a direct match to your vibrations. It's called the Law of Attraction. If you're unhappy, you gather unhappy things. If you're happy, good things will happen to you. I started working on that, and as the time went forward, small miracles started to happen. I learned how everything you throw to the Universe will come back to you. If you send love, you get love. If you send hate you get hate. So I started to pay attention to my thoughts and keeping my energies positive no matter what. I forgave myself for everything i had done wrong in the past. If someone was mean to me, I responded with kindness. And I made a decision to stop talking bad things about other people. It was very purifying. The laundry machine treatment got me cleaned from the inside. I started to feel joy, thankfulness and hope again, I found love for myself and for life and I found my mission at work and started loving my work again. And people around me noticed it.
Today I'm most grateful to the Universe for all the obstacles and misfortunes it has brought to my path during this time. This time has been most educational time for me as a human being. The things I have learned and discovered has changed the way I think so much. I've opened my eyes, I've learned that I am important, I am worth loving and I have a reason to be here on this planet. I learned that I had gathered all the obsticles to my path because I was afraid and out of balance. And when I took responsibility of all things that had happened to me, when I started fixing myself and my thoughts, all the bad things and unhealthy relationships started to vanish from my life. When you start to vibrate in higher frequency, in a frequency of love, and when get your power back it will most surely get the wrong people to react, attack even and to finally leave your life. But I found who I am again, and I found my dreams again. It was a tough lesson but it was something I needed to take in order to learn and to be where I am today.
I've always been a dreamer, and I still am. To me life has never been about doing what the others expect me to do. It's always been clear to me that I will live my life like I please, not the way the society expects me to live it. I've always been that nice girl but with a rebellious woman inside of me who will not be told what to do. Not the easiest choice, though. But it's who I am.
When you are out of balance with yourself, you loose your dreams. Or at least that's what happened to me. I did not know what my dream was anymore. When I got back to balance, I started finding pieces of my dreams again. And one day at work I was inspired to do a dream board that visualized what was it that I wanted in my life and what kind of life I wanted to live. One of the things I put there, actually the first thing, was a beautiful home in an old wooden house in Loviisa. I visualized myself living in a house like that and I told the Universe this is what I want. I also started to do old Hawaiian huna prayers to manifest it even more strongly.
Then a dear friend of mine started to pressure me on getting an apartment. I realized that yes I can ask the universe for a house but I will have to start looking for on, too. One evening I was reading a newspaper and they had this article about a woman who lives in an old ironworks factory area in Loviisa. I've visited this place many times a year in the past, and I thought well that's where I want to live! Next day I went to the Internet to search for apartments and there it was - my dream house in the exact price I was thinking of. And now I live here. And I could not be more happy and thankful. Even though I find myself quite lonely sometimes here, I now know it's something taht happens to me every time I move alone to a new place. It happened in Kruununhaka, too, but it passed away as I learned to be in my own company and enjoy it. And I know my lonelyness will pass here, too, as I settle more.
I've always been shy to share my thoughts about life. So publishing this text is a big step for me. I share very personal matters in this post, and I have to put aside what negative people may think and say about my thoughts. On this journey I learned that I don't have to please everyone. I can say how I feel and as long as it doesn't insult or hurt anyone, I can say it. That's why I share this with you. Because I found that my work here on earth is to help other people. I will tell more about that in another post. I will tell what I've learned about my mission here and how I discovered it. It's a whole other story to tell. But with my story here I can bring hope to people struggling with the same kind of problems. So here I am, sharing my story, and what I want to say to you all is that God never gives you obsticles you can't handle. Sometimes you can't control what happens in life, but you can control yourself and how you think about life and how you handle things. Also having learned everything I did so far, it does not make me ready. I've found my inner power, but i have to keep good care of it. Everything I've learned, I can unlearn if I don't work on them every day.
So far my blog has been about my work. But after these experiences I cannot leave this side of me aside from this blog. This blog is about me and I no longer have to be afraid of who I am and how I think. So in addition to pin-up and burlesque, i will start sharing with you my thoughts of life and about my mission here. Here's a little tip about it:
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| Image source: Twitter @XeniaVatiliotou |
So finally what I want o say to you Dear is: Have trust in life. It will carry you.
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